August 22, 2002

Investment "Suggestions" for a Nigerian Spammer

For a while now, my friend Srinivas and I have been sending each other especially egregious or ridiculous samples of emails from Nigerian spammers; Srini likes to spam them back with strange queries or outrageous demands. This time, he had some investment "suggestions" for Dr. Bola. I have rearranged the emails in chronological order.

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"Dr. JAMES BOLA" wrote:
FROM: DR. JAMES BOLA
FAX: 234-9-2721548
LAGOS - NIGERIA.

ATTN: PRESIDENT / CEO.
STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
RE: TRANSFER OF US$21.5 MILLION(TWENTY ONE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS ONLY).
I KNOW THIS EMAIL WILL REACH YOU AS A SURPRISE, BUT NEED NOT TO WORRY AS WE ARE USING THE ONLY SECURED AND CONFIDENTIAL MEDIUM AVAILABLE TO SEEK FOR FOREIGN ASSISTANCE/PARTNERSHIP IN A BUSINESS TRANSACTION WHICH IS OF MUTUAL BENEFIT.

I AM A MEMBER OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA CONTRACT AWARD AND MONITORING COMMITTEE IN THE NIGERIA NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (NNPC) SOMETIME AGO; MY COMMITTEE AWARDED A CONTRACT TO A FOREIGN FIRM IN NNPC.THIS CONTRACT WAS OVER INVOICED TO THE TUNE OF US$21.5M. U.S.DOLLARS. THIS WAS DONE DELIBERATELY THE OVER- INVOICING WAS A DEAL BY MY COMMITTEE TO BENEFIT FROM THE PROJECT. WE NOW WANT TO TRANSFER THIS MONEY, WHICH IS IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT WITH NNPC INTO ANY OVERSEAS ACCOUNT,WHICH WE EXPECT YOU TO PROVIDE FOR US.

SHARE: FOR PROVIDING THE ACCOUNT WHERE WE SHALL REMIT THE MONEY INTO, YOU WILL BE ENTITLED TO 30% OF THE MONEY. 60% WILL BE FOR ME AND MY PARTNERS WHILE 10% HAS BEEN MAPPED OUT FROM THE TOTAL SUM TO COVER ANY EXPENSES THAT MAY BE INCURRED BY US DURING THE COURSE OF THIS TRANSFER, BOTH LOCALLY AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES.

IT MAY INTEREST YOU TO KNOW THAT A SIMILAR TRANSACTION WAS CARRIED OUT WITH ONE MR.PATRICE MILLER,PRESIDENT OF CRANE INTERNATIONAL TRADING CORP, OF 153 EAST 57 ST., 28 FLOOR, NY 10022, TEL: (212)-308-7788 AND TELEX:6731689. THE DEAL WAS CONCLUDED AND ALL COVERING DOCUMENT WERE FORWARDED TO MR.MILLER TO AUTHETICATE THE CLAIM.ONCE THE FUNDS WERE TRANSFERRED,MR. MILLER PRESENTED HIS BANK WITH ALL THE LEGAL DOCUMENTS AND REMITTED THE WHOLE FUNDS TO ANOTHER BANK ACCOUNT AND DISAPPEARED COMPLETELY. MY COLLEAGUES WERE SHATTERED, AS SUCH OPPORTUNITIES DO NOT COME ALL THE TIME.

TO COMMERCE THIS DEAL THEREFORE, I WOULD REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING:

1. YOUR COMPANY'S NAME, ADDRESS, TEL & FAX NUMBERS.
2. YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER AND ADDRESS WHERE THE MONEY WILL BE REMITTED.

THE ABOVE INFORMATION WOULD BE USED TO MAKE FORMAL APPLICATIONS AS A MATTER OF PROCEDURE FOR THE RELEASE OF THE MONEY AND ONWARD TRANSFER TO YOUR ACCOUNT. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHETHER OR NOT YOUR COMPANY DOES CONTRACT PROJECTS OF THIS NATURE DESCRIBED HERE. THE ASSUMPTION IS THAT YOUR COMPANY WON THE MAJOR CONTRACT AND SUBCONTRACTED IT OUT TO OTHER COMPANIES. MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, BIG TRADING COMPANIES OR FIRMS OF UNRELATED FIELDS WIN MAJOR CONTRACTS AND SUBCONTRACTS TO MORE SPECIALIZED FIRMS FOR EXECUTION OF SUCH CONTRACTS.

WE HAVE STRONG RELIABLE CONNECTIONS AND CONTACTS AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA, AS WELL AS THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE AND WE HAVE NO DOUBT THAT ALL THE MONEY WILL BE RELEASED AND TRANSFERRED IF WE GET THE NECESSARY FOREIGN PARTNER TO ASSIST US IN THIS DEAL. THEREFORE, WHEN THE BUSINESS IS SUCCESSFULLY CONCLUDED WE SHALL THROUGH OUR SAME CONNECTIONS WITHDRAW ALL DOCUMENTS USED FROM ALL THE CONCERNED GOVERNMENT MINISTRIES FOR 100% SECURITY.

WE ARE ORDINARY CIVIL SERVANTS AND WE WILL NOT WANT TO MISS THIS ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY TO GET RICH. WE WANT THIS MONEY TO BE TRANSFERRED TO THE OVERSEAS ACCOUNTS FOR US, BEFORE THE PRESENT DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT STARTS AUDITING ALL FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OWNED MINISTRIES. PLEASE CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY THROUGH MY FAX NUMBER WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THIS DEAL.

IF YOU ARE NOT, IT WILL ENABLE ME SCOUT FOR ANOTHER FOREIGN PARTNER TO CARRY OUT THIS DEAL. BUT WHERE YOU ARE INTERESTED, SEND THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS AFOREMENTIONED HEREIN THROUGH MY ABOVE TEL / FAX NUMBER,AS TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE IN THIS BUSINESS. I WAIT IN ANTICIPATION OF YOUR FULLEST CO-OPERATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
DR.BOLA JAMES.

==================================================
Original Message From srinivas

Dear Dr. Bola,

I am happy to hear of your situation and will do my best to help you. I have a number of investment vehicles in mind that would be perfect for your funds.

First off, there's the Certified Repatriable Annuity Pension (CRAP), which will pay your union a fixed or variable annuity via an index-linked pension scheme in any fully repatriable African currency. For long-term growth, you might want to consider the Swaziland Convertible Aurora Metals (SCAM) hedge funds, (which I can't recommend too highly, given the huge demand for zinc in the latest batteries). Might I also suggest that your Cooperative establish a Fully Accountable Revocable Trust (FART) for the purposes of establishing a firm source of income for furture generations of union members. Finally, given the need to keep your funds safely offshore, there's the Joint African Consolidated Kruggerand Offshore Forward Fund (JACKOFF) offered by your own sister organization, the African White Farmers United Cooperative (AWFUC).

Please be aware that these are only a sample of the kinds of investment choices available to your organization. Once I have done a detailed analysis of your investment goals, I will be in a position to recommed a particular strategy.

Please let me know if any of these investment opportunities would work for you. If so, wire me the funds immediately, and I can get started right away on helping you get your funds to safety. Rest assured that our company has over 35 years of experience managing funds and helping organizations such as yours acheive their financial goals.

Please let me know if I may be of further assistance.

Yours,

SN

--- j_bola wrote:
Date: Fri, 23 Aug 2002 02:06:23 +0800
From: "j_bola"
To: srinivas n_______
Subject: RE:
AATN: SRINIVAS N_______
FROM: DR. BOLA JAMES
DATE: 22 AUGUST 2002.

DEAR FRIEND,

YES YOU CAN BE OF REAL ASSISTANCE TO ME AND I WOULD LOVE TO INVEST INTO YOUR FIRM AND THE MOVIE INDUSTRY. BUT I WOULD FIRST HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT THE WHOLE MONEY IS REMITTED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT BEFORE WE CAN COMMENCE ANY INVESTMENT OF MY CHOICE.

SO PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO SEND ME THE REQUESTED DATAS SO THAT I CAN USE THEM TO FILE IN FORMAL APPLICATION FOR THE RELEASE AND ONWARD REMITTANCE OF THE MONEY TO YOUR ACCOUNT. FOR FURTHER DISCUSSIONS, ENDEAVOUR TO CALL ME USING THIS NUMBER:234-1-4700390. AWAITING YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.

BEST REGARDS,
DR. BOLA JAMES.

-----Original Message-----
From: srinivas n_______
Sent: Thursday, August 22, 2002 1:09 PM
To: julia spencer
Subject: Too Hilarious

I'm going to have to think of a really fitting response to this one...

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