Investment "Suggestions" for a Nigerian Spammer

For a while now, my friend Srinivas and I have been sending each other especially egregious or ridiculous samples of emails from Nigerian spammers; Srini likes to spam them back with strange queries or outrageous demands. This time, he had some investment "suggestions" for Dr. Bola. I have rearranged the emails in chronological order.

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"Dr. JAMES BOLA" wrote:
FROM: DR. JAMES BOLA
FAX: 234-9-2721548
LAGOS - NIGERIA.

ATTN: PRESIDENT / CEO.
STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
RE: TRANSFER OF US$21.5 MILLION(TWENTY ONE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS ONLY).
I KNOW THIS EMAIL WILL REACH YOU AS A SURPRISE, BUT NEED NOT TO WORRY AS WE ARE USING THE ONLY SECURED AND CONFIDENTIAL MEDIUM AVAILABLE TO SEEK FOR FOREIGN ASSISTANCE/PARTNERSHIP IN A BUSINESS TRANSACTION WHICH IS OF MUTUAL BENEFIT.

I AM A MEMBER OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA CONTRACT AWARD AND MONITORING COMMITTEE IN THE NIGERIA NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (NNPC) SOMETIME AGO; MY COMMITTEE AWARDED A CONTRACT TO A FOREIGN FIRM IN NNPC.THIS CONTRACT WAS OVER INVOICED TO THE TUNE OF US$21.5M. U.S.DOLLARS. THIS WAS DONE DELIBERATELY THE OVER- INVOICING WAS A DEAL BY MY COMMITTEE TO BENEFIT FROM THE PROJECT. WE NOW WANT TO TRANSFER THIS MONEY, WHICH IS IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT WITH NNPC INTO ANY OVERSEAS ACCOUNT,WHICH WE EXPECT YOU TO PROVIDE FOR US.

SHARE: FOR PROVIDING THE ACCOUNT WHERE WE SHALL REMIT THE MONEY INTO, YOU WILL BE ENTITLED TO 30% OF THE MONEY. 60% WILL BE FOR ME AND MY PARTNERS WHILE 10% HAS BEEN MAPPED OUT FROM THE TOTAL SUM TO COVER ANY EXPENSES THAT MAY BE INCURRED BY US DURING THE COURSE OF THIS TRANSFER, BOTH LOCALLY AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES.

IT MAY INTEREST YOU TO KNOW THAT A SIMILAR TRANSACTION WAS CARRIED OUT WITH ONE MR.PATRICE MILLER,PRESIDENT OF CRANE INTERNATIONAL TRADING CORP, OF 153 EAST 57 ST., 28 FLOOR, NY 10022, TEL: (212)-308-7788 AND TELEX:6731689. THE DEAL WAS CONCLUDED AND ALL COVERING DOCUMENT WERE FORWARDED TO MR.MILLER TO AUTHETICATE THE CLAIM.ONCE THE FUNDS WERE TRANSFERRED,MR. MILLER PRESENTED HIS BANK WITH ALL THE LEGAL DOCUMENTS AND REMITTED THE WHOLE FUNDS TO ANOTHER BANK ACCOUNT AND DISAPPEARED COMPLETELY. MY COLLEAGUES WERE SHATTERED, AS SUCH OPPORTUNITIES DO NOT COME ALL THE TIME.

TO COMMERCE THIS DEAL THEREFORE, I WOULD REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING:

1. YOUR COMPANY'S NAME, ADDRESS, TEL & FAX NUMBERS.
2. YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER AND ADDRESS WHERE THE MONEY WILL BE REMITTED.

THE ABOVE INFORMATION WOULD BE USED TO MAKE FORMAL APPLICATIONS AS A MATTER OF PROCEDURE FOR THE RELEASE OF THE MONEY AND ONWARD TRANSFER TO YOUR ACCOUNT. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHETHER OR NOT YOUR COMPANY DOES CONTRACT PROJECTS OF THIS NATURE DESCRIBED HERE. THE ASSUMPTION IS THAT YOUR COMPANY WON THE MAJOR CONTRACT AND SUBCONTRACTED IT OUT TO OTHER COMPANIES. MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, BIG TRADING COMPANIES OR FIRMS OF UNRELATED FIELDS WIN MAJOR CONTRACTS AND SUBCONTRACTS TO MORE SPECIALIZED FIRMS FOR EXECUTION OF SUCH CONTRACTS.

WE HAVE STRONG RELIABLE CONNECTIONS AND CONTACTS AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA, AS WELL AS THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE AND WE HAVE NO DOUBT THAT ALL THE MONEY WILL BE RELEASED AND TRANSFERRED IF WE GET THE NECESSARY FOREIGN PARTNER TO ASSIST US IN THIS DEAL. THEREFORE, WHEN THE BUSINESS IS SUCCESSFULLY CONCLUDED WE SHALL THROUGH OUR SAME CONNECTIONS WITHDRAW ALL DOCUMENTS USED FROM ALL THE CONCERNED GOVERNMENT MINISTRIES FOR 100% SECURITY.

WE ARE ORDINARY CIVIL SERVANTS AND WE WILL NOT WANT TO MISS THIS ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY TO GET RICH. WE WANT THIS MONEY TO BE TRANSFERRED TO THE OVERSEAS ACCOUNTS FOR US, BEFORE THE PRESENT DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT STARTS AUDITING ALL FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OWNED MINISTRIES. PLEASE CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY THROUGH MY FAX NUMBER WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THIS DEAL.

IF YOU ARE NOT, IT WILL ENABLE ME SCOUT FOR ANOTHER FOREIGN PARTNER TO CARRY OUT THIS DEAL. BUT WHERE YOU ARE INTERESTED, SEND THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS AFOREMENTIONED HEREIN THROUGH MY ABOVE TEL / FAX NUMBER,AS TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE IN THIS BUSINESS. I WAIT IN ANTICIPATION OF YOUR FULLEST CO-OPERATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
DR.BOLA JAMES.

==================================================
Original Message From srinivas

Dear Dr. Bola,

I am happy to hear of your situation and will do my best to help you. I have a number of investment vehicles in mind that would be perfect for your funds.

First off, there's the Certified Repatriable Annuity Pension (CRAP), which will pay your union a fixed or variable annuity via an index-linked pension scheme in any fully repatriable African currency. For long-term growth, you might want to consider the Swaziland Convertible Aurora Metals (SCAM) hedge funds, (which I can't recommend too highly, given the huge demand for zinc in the latest batteries). Might I also suggest that your Cooperative establish a Fully Accountable Revocable Trust (FART) for the purposes of establishing a firm source of income for furture generations of union members. Finally, given the need to keep your funds safely offshore, there's the Joint African Consolidated Kruggerand Offshore Forward Fund (JACKOFF) offered by your own sister organization, the African White Farmers United Cooperative (AWFUC).

Please be aware that these are only a sample of the kinds of investment choices available to your organization. Once I have done a detailed analysis of your investment goals, I will be in a position to recommed a particular strategy.

Please let me know if any of these investment opportunities would work for you. If so, wire me the funds immediately, and I can get started right away on helping you get your funds to safety. Rest assured that our company has over 35 years of experience managing funds and helping organizations such as yours acheive their financial goals.

Please let me know if I may be of further assistance.

Yours,

SN

--- j_bola wrote:
Date: Fri, 23 Aug 2002 02:06:23 +0800
From: "j_bola"
To: srinivas n_______
Subject: RE:
AATN: SRINIVAS N_______
FROM: DR. BOLA JAMES
DATE: 22 AUGUST 2002.

DEAR FRIEND,

YES YOU CAN BE OF REAL ASSISTANCE TO ME AND I WOULD LOVE TO INVEST INTO YOUR FIRM AND THE MOVIE INDUSTRY. BUT I WOULD FIRST HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT THE WHOLE MONEY IS REMITTED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT BEFORE WE CAN COMMENCE ANY INVESTMENT OF MY CHOICE.

SO PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO SEND ME THE REQUESTED DATAS SO THAT I CAN USE THEM TO FILE IN FORMAL APPLICATION FOR THE RELEASE AND ONWARD REMITTANCE OF THE MONEY TO YOUR ACCOUNT. FOR FURTHER DISCUSSIONS, ENDEAVOUR TO CALL ME USING THIS NUMBER:234-1-4700390. AWAITING YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.

BEST REGARDS,
DR. BOLA JAMES.

-----Original Message-----
From: srinivas n_______
Sent: Thursday, August 22, 2002 1:09 PM
To: julia spencer
Subject: Too Hilarious

I'm going to have to think of a really fitting response to this one...

Oz Aftermath

I got home safely from Oz a few weeks ago, but I've been waiting until my photos came back and I had something to post. I thought it would be great having a digital camera and being able to take an almost unlimited number of pictures, but ever since I got back, the whole thing has been a nightmare, with one problem or screw-up after another. The camera quit working completely after the batteries died, and then there were a couple of corrupted files on my StupidMedia card (my name for it), which corrupted the rest and prevented them from being downloaded. Then the whole card got reformatted by accident when I was trying to pull up the photos in a camera. Now it's up to some data recovery wizards who claim they might be able to save the lost files. If they can rescue anything, I will definitely post photos online.

After doing a free intro SCUBA dive in Australia, I decided to get certified once I got home, and I'm taking the classes this week. Now I can go back and see Wally the Napoleon Maori Wrasse again! I'm going to post a photo of Wally that I found on the internet. He's a remarkable fish, and a lot of travelers seem to have taken pictures - there's even a site with a little QuickTime movie! Just type in "Wally wrasse" into Google, and check out all the sites!

Oscar Party 2002

My Oscar Party invitation from 2002, the year of "Moulin Rouge," "A Beautiful Mind," "In the Bedroom," "Gosford Park" and "Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring."

Letter to a Wellesley Classmate in D.C.

Thank you so much for writing--I'm so glad that you and yours are okay. How scary for you to be dating someone who works at the Pentagon. You made pretty good time if you had to walk all the way home. You must have mad blisters!

It's all just unbelievable--I was about to leave home, and just making a quick call to some workmen who had started (badly and crookedly) on a fence adjacent to my house, and I had the TV on kinda watching the news at the same time. When it hit me what had happened, I just started freaking out, and I was so upset I couldn't leave for 45 minutes or so because I kept on having to go wash my face after each new outrage/disaster. The complete collapse of both towers is so unbelievably shocking. Last time I was in NYC two years ago, I went to the top of Tower One with my mom to enjoy the view, and bought discount theatre tickets at the TKTS booth there, like I always do. Then we went shopping at Century 21 across the street. And now it's all gone. Just a hole in the sky. Unbelievable...

I was so worried about you, and just praying that you were out of harm's way. I'm afraid the news from NYC isn't going to be good. I wonder how many of our Wellesley classmates and friends were working in downtown Manhattan today. I hope that a lot of people were voting in the mayoral primaries and were late to work, and thus never made it into the building.

Here at work, we've all been crowding around the TV off and on all day. Anyway, let me know if you think a visit to our nation's capital is still a good idea. They're going to have to change the name for popular sites from "tourist attractions" to "targets." Well, stay in touch - maybe they'll figure out how and why this all happened.

Letter to a Friend on 9-11

Yeah, I'm in shock. I was just about to leave the house this morning when I heard the news, and I was so upset, I kept on having to go wash my face, and then I'd pull myself together, and then I'd hear about a new horror, and fall to pieces again. I'm freaking out. I can't believe that the both buildings are just gone. A huge hole in a skyline that has suddenly changed after 31 years of being dominated by the twin towers.

My mom and I went there last time we were in NYC, went to the top of Bldg. 1 to Windows on the World, had some coffee, enjoyed the view, bought some theatre tickets at TKTS on the Trade Center Concourse, and a couple of souvenirs from one of the little carts there. Unbelievable.

I've been reading the French newspaper Le Figaro to see what they have to say. They have some amazing photos, etc.

Anyway, I'm doing fine, compared to those people working in downtown Manhattan. Still waiting to hear from my friend who works for the federal government in D.C.

Not feeling very safe today.

Getting the Point Across

I never said anything to you directly about it, because I thought we had let our acquaintance drop, but now that you have written to me again, I cannot keep silent. I have to say that from your behavior and conversation when we met and when we had lunch, I was led to believe that you were separated or divorced from your wife. I was quite dismayed to find out that you were still very much married and your wife was about to have another child. I realize that even regular church-goers can be hypocrites, but I expected something more from someone who claims to be a Christian. I have no respect for men who hit on other women while their wives are 8 1/2 months pregnant, and have no desire to be friends with such a person. Please, take me off your mailing list and don't write me again.